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Surrender

I've been thinking a lot lately about radical discipleship. God has given me a heart for world missions and I feel that as a part of the Body of Christ it is my responsibility to be a part of what He's doing around the world however I can. I pray and ask God to show me and yet I feel unwilling to do whatever it takes because it's more difficult as a family. Sometimes in America we worship the god of safety. Everything needs to be safe and in order to make it that way we attempt to control as much of our environment as we seemingly can. I've never felt such a strong pull toward that until I became a mother. I attempt to control what Emma touches, everything that goes in her mouth, where she goes... etc. God has called me to be her protector, especially now when she can't do much to protect herself. Sometimes that protective instinct wants to override everything including the Lord's voice. I have to ask myself as we pray about where God is leading us- am I laying my whole self and my whole life down or just the parts that I can't control anyway? If safety is my main motivator and the voice that drowns out everything else- will I be able to hear when the Lord calls us to take a risk? Will I miss out on something wonderful because I'm scared to be in a situation that might be unsafe? Jesus says, "Whoever loves his life loses it and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:25
I've been reading More than Conquerors by Simon Guillebaud recently. Here is an excerpt from his chapter on going to the nations:
" Many of us watched in horror as the twin towers of the World Trade Center crumbled to pieces, killing many innocent people. Yet every day, as John Zumwalt notes, the equivalent of fourteen towers collapse as 50,000 people die among the unreached of our world without ever having heard of Jesus; and Jesus watches them with the same horror that we felt on September 11, 2001. He pleads with us to wake up from our own slumber and wake others up so that we can address these issues with urgency instead of casual indifference. If we're disinterested in world missions, it can mean one of only two things: either we're plain ignorant, or we're plain disobedient. God cares so much about the non-Christian world that we can't afford to ignore it."
God, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Help me lay my whole life and my whole self down knowing that safety is being in the center of your will even if that's the most uncomfortable, unstable worldly location. There are people dying every day- show me what my role is! Use me! Send me!

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