The Wurglers

This Advent I have been reflecting on Emmanuel, God with us, in light of our information-driven society. Day or night we have access to more information than we could possibly consume, filled with facts, opinions and stories of people both close and far-removed from us. I am realizing that information feels like control to me. I want to consume information and use it to help me be in control of my life. In American Christian culture there is also no shortage of information. You can find articles on all types of spiritual topics. It's easy to begin to depend on information instead of God.  I find myself having more of a relationship with my ideas about God than with God Himself. This Christmas season God is reminding me of His personhood.  He is not an idea that I can manage and conquer through knowledge. He is an infinite being that has entered my life and is conquering and forming me. I settle for fun ideas, self-revelations, comforting quips but when I encounter His presenc...

Today my girls and I were learning about Mexico.  I shared with them that both Aaron and I used to study Spanish.  We both spent years in both high school and college learning Spanish.  Now it's difficult to remember anything beyond "Hola" and a few colors and numbers.  Mandarin has used up most of the language area of our brains.  One of the more challenging aspects of living as a foreigner in another country is learning the language.  Language is not just grammar and vocabulary; a language exists in a culture, it has a context.  There is a way of calling someone an idiot here that is just a series of numbers, a series of numbers that you would surely use when bargaining.  If you don't remember to use a different name for the numeral "2" in the number, you will offend the shopkeeper.  I can know the vocabulary but if I don't understand the context then I miscommunicate.  We have a store of language bloopers, so many that it's hard to re...

I remember riding in a friend's car just a couple days after arriving in this city.  I thought, "I could never drive here."  It appeared to me that there were no rules- cars were all over the road, crossing lanes, making turns and U turns, not to mention the pedestrians, bikes and carts that seemed to come out of nowhere.  At that point, I also had no idea where I was most of the time and when I looked at a map of the city, the maze of streets, small roads and alleys was overwhelming.  When I had lived here  just after graduating from college I had carried a paper map in my bag, but I mostly relied on the people I was with and taxi drivers to know where I was, I didn't really care how I got there as long as I arrived at my destination.  Driving was different though, you had to know where you were, where you wanted to go and which roads to take to get there.  I still rely heavily on that blinking blue dot on my google maps even when I'm walking somewh...

We have resettled into life back in the East.  I have survived my initial meal fails- for some reason whenever I cross the ocean, the other side greets with me with failed attempts at cooking- this time a can of beans exploded on my face, I had forgotten to buy half the ingredients, and I dumped seasoning into the pot that was infested with bugs.  A little extra protein tonight, kids?  Each trip across the ocean is another transition on either side- there are lots of practical things to do to get life set up and going, trying to find a rhythm to our life and family that works for the season.  After the dust settles a little I always have the feeling, "who am I and where do I fit here?"  If I'm in America, I feel a little strange, I feel tentative in each social situation and just the business of life because I feel like I should know how to interact or manage but I'm not quite sure or I'm out of practice.  Especially going from a city of 20 million to the "...

A couple of years ago a friend of a friend, who had lost her husband in a tragic car accident, said, “we must learn to embrace uncertainty.”   It’s been a phrase that has stuck in my head, something I have thought on many times in the adoption journey and our life in East Asia.   Initially when I heard it, I recoiled.   The word “uncertainty” is hard for me.   It pushes on my pride and control buttons.   I work so hard to make sure everything is certain- I try to plan ahead, be organized, manage time, finances, relationships, ministry all so that we can look ahead and be ready for whatever is coming.   As you can imagine, when things don’t go as planned it feels very difficult for me- I feel out of control and ashamed that I hadn’t seen it coming or planned better.   In my heart, I’m both trying to be God and to work hard enough to not need to trust Him.   I believe He’s purposely thrown a lot of curveballs our way just to remind me that He is th...