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Finishing the Race

 Runners are crazy.  Absolutely crazy.  Who submits their body to such distances?!!  Who pushes through pain... just to run?!!  Who shows up undertrained with an air quality index of over 400 to run a half marathon?!  Thousands and thousands of crazy... and dare I say foolish people!  Including me.  When I woke up and cursed the pollution I vowed to only run 10K of the race.  But then the race started... and I was wearing a mask... and I was swept away by the insanity.  Ten kilometers came and went and I was still going.  I felt better in this race than I had in my races from years ago.  So I just kept going.  And I finished!  It felt so good to cross the finish line... especially because I thought a half marathon was 20K and so when I hit 18K and shifted into gear (you know, I always save something for the end) and then 20K came... and we were still running.... and it was brutal... and confusing I might add.  So I kept going through the longest kilometer of my life and I think I can say I left it all out there on the course, not by choice but by lack of knowledge of the actual length of the race.  
I had some thoughts on pain and suffering during that last half of the race.  In races in the past I would have walked but this race I was channeling my Forrest Gump and I just kept running.  Something I'm slowly learning in the last couple of years is about persevering in pain and suffering.  Not pushing through pain like it isn't there.  But giving in to it, in a way, letting God use pain to shape me but not to define me.  I keep running the race and finding that pain and suffering is a part of this race of life.  It does no good to pretend its not there and even when we try to avoid it, it catches up with us somewhere.  Even in the midst of hard hard questions- "why, God? why do You choose to use pain and suffering as refining tools?"  He is with me in it... so so with me... There is no purpose or meaning to suffering apart from a powerful and loving God who grieves with us and can cause it all to work for good.  And a God who will eventually have victory over pain and sorrow and death and tears... and even the damaging effects the pollution had on my lungs today.    Looking forward to the day when I finish the race of life and I can look and praise Him fully that He has always been in control, always been good, always been with me, loving me and always been on my side even in moments where I was screaming my doubts and fears and unbelief at Him.

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