This past weekend we had a team retreat that took us to the mountains outside our city. About a 1.5 hour drive north of us, you can actually breathe clean air and see beautiful scenery - a place of refuge away from the concrete jungle we live in.
Sara and the kids and I took off together one morning to do a little hiking. We heard of some trails around our little motel and were determined to find one. The morning was beautiful: cool air, blue skies, the turning colors of autumn, a slight breeze. All the things our hearts have been needing lately. We set off up a hill and hiked (more like dawdled if you're a Wurgler boy whose name rhymes with "laymen") for a while. Evie made it her personal mission to pluck every helpless flower along the way and gift it to one of the family members. Emma talked about various things ranging from Grandma and Grandpa coming to visit next week to her new friend she made at the motel to the beauty of the outdoors. Sara and I encouraged Jaman to hustle up a bit. I am convinced the kid does not have a single fast-twitch muscle fiber in his body.
After walking for a while, we decided it was time to stop for a rest and to replenish our fluids and grab a little snack. We found an old culvert laying near a road and had the kids sit down to eat. For most of the hike I had been longingly looking at a mountain that seemed to need some conquering. I took this as my opportunity: pacified kids are the best time to run off for a bit. I put my phone in my pocket so that I could take pictures when I got to the top and ran off towards the mountain. It was steep to say the least and involved some climbing in parts. I took this as a personal challenge. Ever since hitting the big 3-1 last month, I have been more mindful of doing what I can to stay young, including things like attempting to not lose when playing basketball against younger guys and dominating mountains that seem to have yet seen a foot step on them. I made it to the top which had a beautiful view:
After snapping some pictures and hearing from base camp down below that the troops were getting restless, I decided it was time to make the descent. After navigating some tricky areas, I made it back to Sara and the kids and reached for my phone to show them the view from the top in the pictures I took. The only problem was that when I reached in my pocket, there was no phone. I... could not... believe it. Utter despair set over me. I had not that long ago needed to buy my new cell phone and bought it from the States because I wanted quality I could trust. Of course, this meant paying a little more for it which I thought worth it considering how the last one I bought in country here was sold to me as real only to be fake and junk out on me far before its time.
Where on earth could my phone be?!?!?! Like a fart in the wind, it was as good as gone. I told Sara, "I lost my phone on the mountain!!!" She responded, "Retrace your steps and go look for it." Only problem was, I had NO IDEA where my steps were!!! I made it my mission to top the world record for quickest descent of that mountain and paid little attention to the route I took down. There was no path, only thickets and brush and prickly thorns and spider webs....oh the spider webs. I walked through one on the way down and screamed like a little school girl. My scream at that moment makes Emma and Evie's screams when they see a bug sound like He-Man going to battle against Skeletor.
I walked back to the general area where I came out of the jungle. I paced back and forth trying to find the exact spot where I emerged onto the road, but it was useless. I had given up even before I started. I quickly deduced it wasn't it 2 areas because the massive spider webs in those spots were still intact, probably awaiting my arrival because their friend whose abode I had earlier dismantled with my teeth told them to attack me. I found a spot to enter into the trees and went for it, straining my eyes for any kind of clue as to my having been there. I felt a little like Bear Grylls or Jack Locke from Lost until I remembered my phone was lost somewhere on that mountain.
Due to my superior phone tracking skills, I found my footprints where I had landed in the dirt after jumping from a ledge. A glimmer of hope. I quietly praised said tracking skills and followed the prints, thinking just maybe that if my phone fell out anywhere, a likely place would've been where I had jumped off a ledge. I climbed the ledge and there, lo and behold was my phone!!! I about peed myself. Sara said from the bottom where they were they heard me scream at the top of my lungs, "YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME!!!" I was overjoyed. Elated. Stupefied. There is no reason I should have found my phone which, being black and yellow was perfectly camouflaged against the yellow leaves that had fallen to the ground and the black dirt. I wondered what the odds of finding it were.
But the most profound thing of the whole story was Sara's question to me when I had returned: "Are you excited to find your phone or are you excited to know that God loves you?" She knows me too well. Though I haven't yet fully answered that question, it probes deep into my heart. What if those prayers to find my phone turned up empty? What if I labored for hours looking and failed to find it? Would I be more upset losing my phone or upset that I feel God had somehow let me down? I am actually a little scared to answer because the true condition of my heart would be evident. It is something that has been on my mind lately, enough that even Sara knows what are the true questions I ask myself. I'm thankful for His love even in the midst of my doubting Him, even when I run from Him. I don't deserve it and I certainly don't think that finding a cell phone is the extent of it. But that day, He knew what my heart needed and responded in love and blessing.
Sara and the kids and I took off together one morning to do a little hiking. We heard of some trails around our little motel and were determined to find one. The morning was beautiful: cool air, blue skies, the turning colors of autumn, a slight breeze. All the things our hearts have been needing lately. We set off up a hill and hiked (more like dawdled if you're a Wurgler boy whose name rhymes with "laymen") for a while. Evie made it her personal mission to pluck every helpless flower along the way and gift it to one of the family members. Emma talked about various things ranging from Grandma and Grandpa coming to visit next week to her new friend she made at the motel to the beauty of the outdoors. Sara and I encouraged Jaman to hustle up a bit. I am convinced the kid does not have a single fast-twitch muscle fiber in his body.
After walking for a while, we decided it was time to stop for a rest and to replenish our fluids and grab a little snack. We found an old culvert laying near a road and had the kids sit down to eat. For most of the hike I had been longingly looking at a mountain that seemed to need some conquering. I took this as my opportunity: pacified kids are the best time to run off for a bit. I put my phone in my pocket so that I could take pictures when I got to the top and ran off towards the mountain. It was steep to say the least and involved some climbing in parts. I took this as a personal challenge. Ever since hitting the big 3-1 last month, I have been more mindful of doing what I can to stay young, including things like attempting to not lose when playing basketball against younger guys and dominating mountains that seem to have yet seen a foot step on them. I made it to the top which had a beautiful view:
After snapping some pictures and hearing from base camp down below that the troops were getting restless, I decided it was time to make the descent. After navigating some tricky areas, I made it back to Sara and the kids and reached for my phone to show them the view from the top in the pictures I took. The only problem was that when I reached in my pocket, there was no phone. I... could not... believe it. Utter despair set over me. I had not that long ago needed to buy my new cell phone and bought it from the States because I wanted quality I could trust. Of course, this meant paying a little more for it which I thought worth it considering how the last one I bought in country here was sold to me as real only to be fake and junk out on me far before its time.
Where on earth could my phone be?!?!?! Like a fart in the wind, it was as good as gone. I told Sara, "I lost my phone on the mountain!!!" She responded, "Retrace your steps and go look for it." Only problem was, I had NO IDEA where my steps were!!! I made it my mission to top the world record for quickest descent of that mountain and paid little attention to the route I took down. There was no path, only thickets and brush and prickly thorns and spider webs....oh the spider webs. I walked through one on the way down and screamed like a little school girl. My scream at that moment makes Emma and Evie's screams when they see a bug sound like He-Man going to battle against Skeletor.
I walked back to the general area where I came out of the jungle. I paced back and forth trying to find the exact spot where I emerged onto the road, but it was useless. I had given up even before I started. I quickly deduced it wasn't it 2 areas because the massive spider webs in those spots were still intact, probably awaiting my arrival because their friend whose abode I had earlier dismantled with my teeth told them to attack me. I found a spot to enter into the trees and went for it, straining my eyes for any kind of clue as to my having been there. I felt a little like Bear Grylls or Jack Locke from Lost until I remembered my phone was lost somewhere on that mountain.
Due to my superior phone tracking skills, I found my footprints where I had landed in the dirt after jumping from a ledge. A glimmer of hope. I quietly praised said tracking skills and followed the prints, thinking just maybe that if my phone fell out anywhere, a likely place would've been where I had jumped off a ledge. I climbed the ledge and there, lo and behold was my phone!!! I about peed myself. Sara said from the bottom where they were they heard me scream at the top of my lungs, "YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME!!!" I was overjoyed. Elated. Stupefied. There is no reason I should have found my phone which, being black and yellow was perfectly camouflaged against the yellow leaves that had fallen to the ground and the black dirt. I wondered what the odds of finding it were.
But the most profound thing of the whole story was Sara's question to me when I had returned: "Are you excited to find your phone or are you excited to know that God loves you?" She knows me too well. Though I haven't yet fully answered that question, it probes deep into my heart. What if those prayers to find my phone turned up empty? What if I labored for hours looking and failed to find it? Would I be more upset losing my phone or upset that I feel God had somehow let me down? I am actually a little scared to answer because the true condition of my heart would be evident. It is something that has been on my mind lately, enough that even Sara knows what are the true questions I ask myself. I'm thankful for His love even in the midst of my doubting Him, even when I run from Him. I don't deserve it and I certainly don't think that finding a cell phone is the extent of it. But that day, He knew what my heart needed and responded in love and blessing.
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