The Wurglers

We are back in the big country and adjusting our lives back into the ways things work here.  We have more hard days than usual right now.  In these seasons, doubts creep in.  I am quick to ask God if He is there, if He cares about me, if He loves me, if He really is in control of all the little circumstances of my life.  My head knows the answer to these questions but my heart struggles in the more difficult seasons.  I present myself to Him right where I am, with my doubts, with my struggles, with my sin and weaknesses.  I have been asking me to meet me in these doubts- asking Him if, in His kindness, He would show me His love and care. Yesterday I happened to be in a part of town I don't get to often and I knew that somewhere in that district there was a little shop that sells one of my favorite coffee drinks.  Aaron would often pick one up for me if he happened to be in the area but I had never been there myself.  As I was walking back to t...

The most glaring sin in my life is pride.  My particular brand of pride tells me that I am big, I am responsible to fix everything, I can singlehandedly fix everyone's problems, I know everything, I am strong in a way that can never be shaken, I can push myself because I don't have limits, and everyone thinks about me often.  Whew!  Saying that outright makes me feel a little ridiculous-  who do I think I am?  Flowing from insecurity cradled in pride is this unrelenting drive to prove myself in any and every situation.  I must do it.  I should not need help.  I must be the best.  I should be able to do anything I set my mind to.  Then there's the anxiety that shouts in my ear:  You are alone!  No one will love you if you don't do this or that, if you don't perform, if you're not the best!  You must make all things happen! In light of this my one word for 2016 is:  small.  I am small.  I have limits.  I...

It is difficult to receive the gift of His presence when I'm in a hurry.  And I am in a hurry often this time of year.  So many details, so many projects, so many plans, so many events.  Finding my self-worth in producing is a problem for me any time of year but especially now.  Checking things off my list feels like an addiction- this compulsion to do things and finish things, followed by a sputtering of self-satisfaction, then followed by disappointment that the satisfaction was so insufficient and short.  Off to the next thing to do!  I need more satisfaction, I need more self-worth, I need to please more people or please myself more.  Stop.  Slow.  Listen.  He calls me back to Himself.  My worth is not the things I do and produce. This is Christmas.  "He appeared and the soul felt its worth...." No matter how all your decisions turn out No matter if you are right or wrong No matter what you think, say, or do No matte...

Many of you may have already heard our exciting family news as we have shared when we are meeting with you.  We are adopting!!  We have always had a heart for adoption and since the beginning of our marriage have prayed and supported friends who have adopted, loving the picture of offering a family to one without, just as God offers a loving family to us.  Over the past three years we have had the opportunity to learn about the orphan situation in East Asia and to volunteer in foster homes and orphanages there.  God has gripped our hearts for these little ones, many of whom have special needs.  We have seen the bright light of God’s hope in this dark place in the country we live in- we love how His kingdom is one of light and of unreasonable love.  His kingdom is one of laying down your life for another and standing up for the oppressed and vulnerable.  God loves the statusless, the abandoned, those who cannot even care for themselves.  How close...

As a parent I feel like a driving force in my heart is "I just want to do the right thing."  The trouble is that often, I don't know what the right thing is.  I tear my hair out as I analyze each option (feeling as if their entire life hinged on this very moment), weigh it out in my mind, see problems with all options, either react out of frustration or become paralyzed with indecision, try something, decide that was definitely not right, and then despair of ever having civilized grown children.  A bit over-dramatic?Allow me to insert here:  what if I prayed first?  My instinct is to figure it out on my own.  God is gently lifting my eyes to Him- to help know what to do but also to trust Him when I have done the wrong thing or when the immediate result wasn't what I hoped.  God, help me!  So often I want the result and I forget that I am called to follow Him as I parent because He is my God, not because it produces the result I desire. In Christ...

Passionate God, I pray for a heart that is fully alive with passions and desires.  I pray for a heart that feels deeply, longs, yearns, and desires passionately.  Draw me, remind me, lure me to bring all of that deep and overwhelming passion to You and place it in Your hands, running to You in the times where what I deeply want,  what I think I must have, must be or must be able to do, is not what You want for me to have, be or do.  Would You be my Comforter, my tender Shepherd, and the Refiner of the depth of my soul.  Would You win my living, longing, yearning soul to Yourself even through disappointment, grief, disillusionment, gratitude, joy and ultimately a deep confidence in the Creator of my soul and all of its passions, who offers Himself in all situations and emotions of my life as my very Great Reward. "For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To Him be the glory forever. Amen." Romans 11:36

There are so many things to do every day- meals to cook, dishes to wash, children to homeschool, laundry to wash, making plans to make plans, chinese vocabulary to learn and help my children learn, share my faith, encourage others, see big problems, make plans to solve big problems, attempt to carry out said plans, save the world or die trying.  Most days it feels like I am running at breakneck speed and my mind is going even faster. With each successful check on my never-ending list, my pride and sense of self-worth increase.  With each realization that I could never accomplish all that I seek to do, a dip into despair.  One look at my list would tell you I think I am superwoman- a woman with no limits.  The Author of my life tells me otherwise.  "The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone and we fly away." Psalm 90:10  He created me with limits. For the season of Len...