The Wurglers

A couple of years ago a friend of a friend, who had lost her husband in a tragic car accident, said, “we must learn to embrace uncertainty.”   It’s been a phrase that has stuck in my head, something I have thought on many times in the adoption journey and our life in East Asia.   Initially when I heard it, I recoiled.   The word “uncertainty” is hard for me.   It pushes on my pride and control buttons.   I work so hard to make sure everything is certain- I try to plan ahead, be organized, manage time, finances, relationships, ministry all so that we can look ahead and be ready for whatever is coming.   As you can imagine, when things don’t go as planned it feels very difficult for me- I feel out of control and ashamed that I hadn’t seen it coming or planned better.   In my heart, I’m both trying to be God and to work hard enough to not need to trust Him.   I believe He’s purposely thrown a lot of curveballs our way just to remind me that He is th...

The sound of pajama feet on the stairs.... pad pad padding into my room.... "Mama?"  What a sweet word.  He lays his little head on my shoulder and sighs, I know that he is comforted in my arms.  Months felt like forever waiting for him to find comfort with us, to not be so terrified he could let his guard down, to sleep deeper than just a troubled tossing and turning, to see his smile regularly instead of just occasionally.  Six months with Owen in our family.  He has gained strength and grown so much and so have each of the rest of us.  We pray and pray and the theme is that he would learn to love and be loved.... and that the rest of us would grow in loving and allowing ourselves to be loved too.  Control and fear are huge barriers to love.  Fear builds up walls but constant, gentle love tears them down.  When I'm afraid, I try to control everything and there is no room for relationship.  Cycles of rejection instead of mercy and forgi...

I can't believe that Owen has been a Wurgler for 2 weeks.  In some ways, it feels like yesterday that we were picking him up.  In other ways it feels like he has been a part of our family for much longer than a couple of weeks.  It has been amazing to watch him discover "family" and "home".  Lately at bedtime we have been going around and telling each of our children specifically what we are proud of them for that day- when I said "Owen" tonight, he looked at me!!  I'm proud that Owen is learning his new name.  We all clapped and laughed and he gave the proudest grin I have seen yet.  Owen has been a gift to each one of us already.  He brings out different things in each of us- my girls have such nurturing hearts and Jaman's silliness knows no bounds when trying to get Owen to smile.  We have been celebrating all of his firsts- we know he likely has done these things many times before but each first with our family brings so much joy- his f...

Gotcha Day started bright and early due to sharing a hotel room with kids and the anticipation of meeting Owen.  Aaron and I hired a driver who he had met on a previous trip to the city to take us to the spot where Owen was found.  We wanted to engage his story and this was our chance.  It was an emotional trip and I can't even process it all yet but we got back in the car, looked at each other and said, "We're ready to meet Owen now."  As we were pulling back into town we got a message from our guide saying that the orphanage had to bring another child to Xi'An that day for an appointment so they wanted to move up the time to 2:00 instead of 4:00.  We rushed through lunch and hopped in the van.  We were all nerves on the way over.  Evie prayed, "aaaaaaand I pray that Owen would not be upset.... aaaaaaand that he would know that we looooooove him."  We pulled up to the office and right as we got out of the van, our guide pointed him out sitting ...

We hopped in a taxi at 11 this morning and headed to the train station.  Only 24 more hours until we meet our sweet Owen.  We took the fast train to Xi'An- 307 km/hour!  The kids did great on the train and we are so thankful for our friend, Tammy, who is traveling with us.  We played a lot of "would you rather" on the train. "Would you rather lay an egg every time you coughed or release a mushroom cloud of smoke every time you farted?"  Think about it..... Our guide picked us up at the train station and took us to the hotel.  Owen is from Wei nan, a smaller city outside of Xi'An.  There are 60 children in the facility.  We will meet Owen late afternoon tomorrow.  She said to bring a lot of snacks because he will likely be very upset. Big love tomorrow from a Big Father in heaven.

We got travel approval to go get Owen this past Monday afternoon.  There were lots of happy dances in our living room.  Now on to the last forms and fees in order to bring our son home.  As I was running in the park the other day this picture came to mind: I look at the last mountain of red tape that stands between us and Owen.  Do you think a chainsaw will do the job?  I adjust my goggles, yank the cord, and raise it above my head screaming as I prepare to demolish every last obstacle.  I feel a hand on my arm... I look over.... Aaron looks a little worried..."Uh, honey, lets just sit down for a glass, ahem, bottle of wine.... forget it, I'll find the tranquilizers." We leave on a train on this Sunday and will meet Owen for the first time on Monday afternoon.  Pray for us- we have been so excited and full of preparations that it's been difficult to rest.  Pray that we are fully rested by the time we leave on Sunday!  Pray for me (Sara)- ...

We have been matched with a sweet boy, Owen Judah.  We hope to be able to bring him home by the beginning of June.  The paperwork process is moving along and things are starting to get real around here.  We have moments of great excitement and moments of anxiousness about what it will all be like.  Sometimes I am afraid.  The what ifs creep in and there's nothing that says any and every one of those couldn't happen.  Current reality seems to fade and fear drives a constant mantra in my mind.  I've been reflecting on Philippians 4 these last couple weeks.  It's a hard thing to give God my fear, worrying about things seems to be the only sense of control I have over the situation.  What is true?  God is with me, with Aaron and our family, with Owen.  God loves all of me and my family and Owen.  We don't know all that will come, but we are not alone. As a family we are preparing for what it will be like to get Owen.  He is...